Life is a Song...

Wow...I never do this anymore...

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 00:01:48 GMT

So, I guess I never do this anymore, but I really dont want LJ to shut down my account because then I will lose all the previous entires I have ever written and that would be kind of sad. Then again, maybe its time for me to let go of some of those things anyway. I guess if I cant remember without reading it, it might not have been that important anyway. I guess I just dont like to think of them as being lost somewhere in cyberspace. oh well.

I dont really know why I am updating this anyway. I dont have that much to say...Things are good for me right now, and usually I only write when I am troubled or have something on my mind. Plus who's going to read this anyway?

I just want Bud to put up the picture he was telling me about. Last year in Wileys class, we would draw pictures back and forth and he texted me to tell me he found one of them today and was going to post it on LJ so I was just checking and figured, hey, since I am here, I might as well say hi to the other LJers who still LJ...hope all is well with you characters!

whoaaa

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 21:52:12 GMT

wow. it has been a long time since I have updated this...I do it once in awhile though cause I dont want them to cancel my account...I like to read all my old entries..

Anyway, I went home this weekend for my mom's wedding...it was ridiculously fun...my claves are killing me from dancing literally aaallll night...oh well, it was totally worth it. It was awesome to see her so happy...I cant remember ever seeing her like that before...

I actually ended up getting wicked sick from consuming massive amounts of alcohol...you know those days where you wake up and tell yourself "I am never drinking again!"? that was me.

anyway, hope everyone is doing well, I dont even know who still uses good ol LJ anymore...

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 07:45:05 GMT

So its been almost a month since I last updated this thing, yeah I have been majorly slacking in this department, but lay off, I have been busy. Between partying and going out and working, I hardly ever make time to do this anymore. Speaking of partying, I am drunk right now, how is my typing? I'm not even trying that hard either.....excuse any typos.

Anyway, my dad is out of town for the weekend, so its just me, Alyssa, Rush and Scottie who is passed out in my bed at the moment because he has to work at 5 in the morning. Thats not even two hours from now, I have to be at work at 8. Shitty.

Anyway. The four of us were sitting at my dining room table playing Kings and were talking about how great high school has been and how much we are going to miss it. DSont get me wrong, I want to move on wiht my life and see what else is out there, but sometimes I think that another part of me would be content to stay in this moment for a long time....I just dont see why some things that are so good should have to end. Like a really good Oasis song, like Wondertwall or Champagne Supernova.I am always sad when its the end of the song. (We always listne to Oasis when we are hammered, its gooood.)

Alright well this is pointless anyway. I just dont want them to cancel my livejournal account due to its inactivity. (nice drunken vocab, thaNKS!) ANYWAY.....

ooops. Nice caps lock aubs, way to go.....

Only 27 more ays till my baby comes home and we take a little vacay to maine for a few days. I can't wait for that. Its also nights like these when pops goes away that I wish he were here just to have someone to lay with me...soon enou7gh I guess.

Welp, see ya kids, hope youre enjoying the summer

Or in the words of My Chemical Romance ------ So Long And Goodnight.

<3<3

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 00:02:22 GMT

So I was just on the way home from my mom's house after the freak downpour and as I was driving, I glanced out my window and I saw the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen in my life....Not only was it so bright, but you know how most of them just kind of disappear into the sky?? Well this one arched over the entire field, I could see both ends of it and it was just so bright and beautiful...and then as the sky started to clear, the sun was reflecting off the clouds and it was so pretty....my entire ride home was just beautiful and I kind of took it as a sign that Laura is here, watching over all of us in this important time in our lives...

We wish you could be here with us Laura! We miss you every day!

Sat, 21 May 2005 04:12:27 GMT

So I am skipping the small talk and getting straight to the point.

Lately, I have had mixed feelings about leaving here. Yeah sure, I want to get on with the rest of my life, experience new things etc..Some days I feel like I cant wait to leave. But then I think of everything I will be leaving behind, and that makes me sad.

Well, tonight was one of the nights that I feel like I am really going to miss next year. Just hanging out around a campfire, laughing, telling funny stories, some people throwing back a few beers, and then others taking huge shots...everyone laughing at their expense...haha trampoline wrestling....

I just feel like, for me atleast, when people say you make your best friends in college, I dont feel that way. I mean, obviously, you never know what your future holds, but I just dont see how I could have better friends than I do right now....How could it get any better than this?

All I know is that with a few more nights like tonight: fires, friends, a little alc etc and this summer is going to kick ass...

Long time, no update....

Tue, 10 May 2005 21:26:19 GMT

whoa! its been awhile since I last updated. I guess I just kind of got busy.

Well okay. whirlwind update...

April vacay? Totally amazing. Well actually, the first couple days kind of blew, but that was because my dad found out that I failed Calculus thrid quarter and got kind of annoyed. Understandable I guess. But the next day was weird. Usually when he's mad, hes on my case all the time, but I called to let him know what I was going to be doing that night and he was like "I dont care, do whatever you want." So obviously, I did, that was the night we all went to Chief's house...Good times, sketchy activities in front yards...the usual.

Then it was Florida. Holy cow. I think I am in love with it. I also decided that I like flying. Not really take off so much, but I dont mind landing and I love looking out the windows while we were in the air! So amazing....That was only the second time I had ever been on a plane and I dont really remember the first time that much so this was doubly exciting. Then after that, Disney was amazing! I had never been before, and the roller coasters were AMAZING! Dueling Dragons was by far THE best ride I have ever been on. Hands down. I have to figure out how to load my pics on the computer and set up a webshots page. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Hint hint.

Lets see...what else? Oh, this past Friday, Rachael and I went up to visit Kurt and friends and NEC...that was so much fun...hahaha ohhh man I laugh just thinking about it. I would tell some stories here, but they might not be appropriate for all ages, plus I don't feel like writing any more because I have to go to my mom's for dinner, then hopefully see Kurt later on tonight. Can't believe he's going to be gone all summer...

Anyway, cutting it short, I will think about adding detail to some stories later on this week. Cant guarantee that I will feel like it though.

Okay.

One more month exactly till senior sign out!

<3<3

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 20:39:26 GMT

Awwww man....last night was exactly some of the craziness I needed back in my life....

VaLLone981: the mom jokes we amazing....ooo i can always count on you to keep me laughing even when im sober...you're the entertainment for tyhe evenings!!!

Well, Shawna. Your mom is my entertainment every evening....

Haha. I'd write about last night, but maybe later. I am too tired to do anything right now. I am hoping I am not coming down with whatever Rachael had this past week....ah well.

Nap time....

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 00:24:37 GMT

We share the days of laughter
We share the nights of sorrow
And in the morning after
We face the bright tomorrow
Side by side we'll always stand
Spirits flying high
Long as I can hold your hand
We'll never say goodbye.

We walk the halls of learning
And serve a proud tradition
The flame of truth is burning
To clarify our vision
Look at how the future gleams
Gold against the sky!
Long as I can share your dreams
We'll never say goodbye

There's little to be sure of
But we will last forever
For now we know the pure love
We feel when we're together
Then if someay we should part
We will not say die
Long as you are in my heart
We'll never say goodbye

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 02:59:33 GMT

Okaaayy, so...time for a little update.

Lets see....last weekend...what did I do? Oh yeah, went to Rach's and almost cut my toe off trying to be the responsible one and take the samurai swords upstairs to her brother's room...unfortunately, I really did almost lose my pinkie toe in the process. But luckily, Doctors Hilary and Alyssa Ph.D were there to get band-aids for me, STAT! I don't know what I would have done. Probably kept laughing about it, because given the state I was in, thought it was hilarious. Ahh well.

This past week...well Thursday night was the hockey banquet and that was really fun. I loved being back together with all the hockey boys, not to mention that I won some wicked comfy boxers, and Kearns surprised me with flowers...that was the highlight of the evening...I also laughed a whole lot and that was good, too. Later that night, I slept over Hil's and helped the girls make pants and visors for Friday.. Seriously, I laugh at Blue and White day. Actually, I laugh in the face of spirit week altogether. Soo lame...class color day was the heart and soul of spririt week...the only reason anyone even dressed up during the other days was in anticipation of friday...And Johnson can get on his high horse about how he "advocated to keep spirit week" all he wants, but spirit week blows. I say having spirit in your class is better than none at all. Oh well, I dont have to care anymore...I fortell that spirit week is going to shit the bed. Hard.

Anyway, that was Thursday night...got about 4 hours of sleep and then rallied at the bowling alley before going to school. I wish more people had showed up, but it was still fun...

Lets see, what else? Oh..Friday I came home and napped from 4-6ish when Greggers called and woke me up...rolled out of bed and noticed there was a phone bill taped to my door with a circle around text messages and a note that said "write me a check!!!" I owe dad $32.16 because I received 318 texts and sent 260. Oops...

Friday night after the Monarchs game with papa dukes, I had the girls sleep here in honour of Shannon being in town!! I love when my Shanny comes to visit..best part of the night was at Shawna's when she jumped on my back and I lost my balance, crashed into the cat food, kicking it all over the kitchen floor and then laying there laughing while Brent, Lewis and Collupy laughed their asses off at us...good times...

Saturday was a busy day! Dad cooked breakfast for all the girls, then Flana came over to see Shan...Dad and I had our Easter dinner around 1:30ish and then around 3, went to King Kone's opening day with Vawna, Hil and Alys. Oh how I have missed bananaberry...Then hung out with my future husband on Saturday evening, colored some Easter eggs, ate some dinner, watched some movies...

Slept at mama's on Saturday night, went to church this morning with Mommy, Fiancee and step sisters, Shannon and Brittany, went back to her house and had a great dinner with them and step-bro Kyle came over. I love them all so much, I feel like we have known each other for years...I am amazed at how much we have in common and how well we all get along. Can't wait for October 29th!!

Sooo that should bring me up to date...yeah, we're good now...

Anyway, Ash: I missed you this weekend, wish you coulda come home!! Thought of you a lot, and will hopefully see you soon! <3

To everyone else, hope you had a great Easter/ weekend in general...I missed mah girls!! See you all tomorrow!

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 19:04:42 GMT

I feel like all of a sudden, life is crazy.

I have so much stuff to do at school, but I havent been doing it. I am slacking really bad, but the thing of it is, I almost don't even care. Like Calculus? Who the hell needs that anyway?

And then there's everything going on with friends...my girlfriends are solid as always. There are no doubt about anything between us, but it seems like every individual has some crazy thing going on in their life, it is so hard to keep track.

I talked with Rachael and Alyssa today in Bio about how much everything has changed. Over the past year, over the past couple years...it seems to me that lately, no one can stand this town anymore...I read peoples away messages and it's like they hate everything about this town and all the people in it, but that's such bull. Instead of making the best of the time you have left with your friends, you're going to throw it all away by complaining about everything. Suck it up. 3 or 4 more months and then you don't ever have to turn back if you don't want.

Rachael asked if you ever just wish you could be 6 years old again. No worries, no problems, no stress...I wish I could. The thing is, when you're six, you can't wait to grow up and do "big kid things" but then you actually get here and you'd give anything to have it back the way it was. It's funny, everything kind of ties into this right now. In philosophy, we're watching The Matrix and one of the questions that was asked to us was "Is ignorance bliss?" There's one guy in the movie who has seen the quote "real world" and decides to go back to the dream world or "the matrix". I think, in a way, getting older is kind of like that. You always wonder what it's going to be like, only to find out it's not all it's cracked up to be. If I had the chance to go back to being six, I would do it in a heartbeat.

In philosophy and with Alys and Rach today, we were talking about true happiness vs. just contentment. And I was trying to think, when was the last time I was truly happy? I can remember it so clearly....Last spring, I was just starting to be friends with all the girls, I had this wonderful guy in my life who seemed so perfect, I was starting to be friends with this great group of guys whom I would still do anything for, my family was great, my dad and I were always talking, my mom had time for me, I talked to my sister all the time...I was truly happy...just content with everything in my life. Today, while talking about it, I kind of realized everything in my life has taken this huge nosedive and I can't pinpoint exactly where it started... summer came and went. As of right now, it was the best summer I have ever had. I laughed sooo much...when school started, things changed...the boy situation didn't work out like I'd hoped. My dad and I both got really busy, he started drinking more and now we are hardly ever home at the same times. My mom started dating the love of her life, and no matter how happy I am for her, it cuts down on the amount of time she spends with me...my sister's in her apartment this year and has a job so we don't talk as much as either of us would like to...and then when Laura died, for a brief moment in time, it seemed like all our friends would get closer than we ever were...but it feels like it's kind of gone the other way...Those boys that I love so much found a different group of girls, and us girls starting hanging out with different boys as well, and partying more than ever. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life, its just that when I analyze the situations, it feels like there have been better days.

Today, I was visiting an ex-boyfriend and very close friend, someone who has been there for me through some pretty rough times and someone I will always love very much. Well, he and two of his friends were getting ready to leave the house, and we went outside and I don't really know what came over me, but I just reached down and grabbed this handful of snow and threw it down the driveway to where his friends were waiting...it ended up turning into this big snowball fight that lasted for a good 5 minutes or so, but in that moment, I could just forget about all the other things going on in my life. I felt like I was that 6 year old, even if it only lasted for a couple of minutes....I just wish I knew how to hang onto that....

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 00:36:15 GMT

Wow....I don't know where to start! I am definitely not writing about everything that happened this weekend....much too crazy. It's all kind of a blur anyway, but I know I had fun for the most part. I also know that my girlfriends, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS are the best people in the world, I would be lost without you girls and you know this. Last night was crazy, and I hope we can all just put some of it behind us. <3

Something else I learned this weekend: Collupy, Lewis and the rest of them are the funniest kids ever and ridiculous to party with. I don't think I stopped laughing once on Friday night.

Saturday during the day was weird though. I really like being home alone though, I wish my dad would go away more often. But I loved just lounging around and not being bothered by anyone. I just showered and slept and watched some movies, but I felt really sad for some reason..it was kind of out of nowhere, and I am sure it will pass, but it carried over into today a little bit. But I think part of it may just be that I am overly tired. I slept for about 5 hours on Friday night, and only about 2 last night. Oh well, it will pass I guess. I just wish I knew why I felt that way.

I had fun today though. I actually am pretty sure I found my future husband. Haha not really, but I have known him forever, since we were like 5 and I never really thought of him that way, but recently I decided I am marrying him....There is something about being with some of my church friends that just makes me feel really at ease, and gives me a chance to forget about everything else going on. Patrick and Sarah, you guys are so great and I don't see you nearly enough. It might be hard for other people to understand, but seriously, you guy just make me not care about everything else going on at the time and nothing else matters when I am with you, because we can sit there and reminisce for hours and you guys keep me laughing. Especially the ride home, Sarah, I thought my bladder was going to explode. I friggen love you Patrick, you ARE marrying me and you can't do anything about it. Can't wait till April 1st/2nd...hopefully I will see you both before then.

Anyway, I wanted to write more, because there is more on my mind, but I have to head over to Marissa's cause she's having the girls over for dinner.

Wow. School tomorrow is going to kick my ass.

Sarah<3BYE (haha think of the Giralda, draw me a bath!)

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 23:21:00 GMT

Okay so I guess it might be time for a real update. Yeah yeah. it is.

First of all, before getting serious, I would like to say that I almost died laughing just now reading Bud's latest entry. If you haven't read it, please do. And when you get to the part about the iguanas and you're not laughing, you obviously have something wrong with you. Speaking of the Stud himself, we say, "Hey Wiley, your class is way overrated, so is the library and the senior english paper so we are going to breakfast at Ruthie's for breakfast instead. Take that."

Okay. Now that's out of the way and I can get down to business. The secret is finally officially out. My mom is engaged! Over vacation, I went out to dinner with her, the fiancee and his two daughters- my step sisters! I am really very excited about everything, I have always wanted a big family with a lot of siblings. He also has two sons, one of which I met on Christmas, the other I have yet to meet. But I keep thinking ahead to holidays and stuff. Like next Christmas how fun it will be to have a big family, like brothers and sisters. I can't wait. Anyway, they have been engaged for a couple weeks now, but I wasn't allowed to tell anyone because they picked out a ring but it wasn't coming in for a few weeks. Now that it is in though, and on her finger, it's official. It's so great. I have never seen her so happy before in my life and it makes me happy just seeing her. She finally has all the happiness she deserves.

I know that during my parents divorce, I tried not to take sides or atleast, I thought I tried. It's weird though, you know? You always think of yourself as so grown up, but looking back, I really was just a kid. I was 14, going on 15 and I hate admitting it now, but my dad really did have me wrapped around his finger. As my mom put it a couple months ago when we talked, she "couldnt get within a foot of me without me pulling away from her." And now I just feel guilty about that. Time has changed so much just in 3 years. My dad and I used to feel the same way about my mom: that she was a very materialistic person to whom only money mattered. But now, I have grown up and realized there is so much more to her than all of that and I feel bad that here I am at 18 and I am just getting to know my mother. I know she forgives me for all that, but it doesnt stop me feeling bad about it.

Anyway. On to other things.

I usually don't like using people's names directly in here, (unless it's something funny or they won't care) but, just because I never know how they are going to feel about it. But seeing as though my name has been used in this person's I don't feel as bad about it. I think it's lame that you can't talk to me anymore Brett and that I have to sink to the level of writing to you in my livejournal, but hey, what can you do? Look, I understand where you're coming from with the whole not wanting to be attached when you leave, I always did and I respected that. And I know you'd get angry when my friends said you were leading me on, but you should understand that I never felt that way, atleast not until more recent events. I know you don't think you lied to me, but in all honesty, that part doesnt matter. It's the fact that I still felt like I was lied to. If you were never planning on getting back together with me, then you should have let me know right away and you never did. Then maybe certain things wouldnt have happened and it could have avoided a lot of pain, atleast for me. It's hard for people on the outside to understand I guess, because when it comes down to it, only you and I actually know what did or didnt happen between us, what was said and what wasn't. The rest is merely heresay. And while I feel you have changed so much from the Brett that I first got to know and love, the fact still remains that I did love you and part of me always will and it is important to me that you know that.

Anyway, with all that said, I am going to cut this entry short. I was planning on writing more, but I'm el jayed out for the day.....

<3<3

I love Matt Flanagan and Christian Gomes.

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 22:55:04 GMT

Getting ready to go to the game with Matt, and this is the conversaiton we just had. Keep in mind he's bitching because I am taking too long to get ready:

cornonthecaubrey: way to answer your phones
fLaNMaN119: h
fLaNMaN119: my phones upstairs
cornonthecaubrey: your house phone too?
fLaNMaN119: my house phone didnt ring
cornonthecaubrey: I called it
cornonthecaubrey: and it rang a bazillion times
fLaNMaN119: i have it blocked of for telemarketers and whorebagslut fucks
cornonthecaubrey: ahh that makes sense now
cornonthecaubrey: I thought you were just ignoring me
fLaNMaN119: call from a blocked id and youll be set
cornonthecaubrey: hahaha
fLaNMaN119: nope
cornonthecaubrey: okay
fLaNMaN119: you ready?
cornonthecaubrey: now just out of curiosty, does it come up as whorebagslut fuck on the caller ID?
fLaNMaN119: no thats the abbrevaition
cornonthecaubrey: haha okay
cornonthecaubrey: and yes I am ready
cornonthecaubrey: my dad is leaving at 6:10 ish
cornonthecaubrey: what time do you want to get together
fLaNMaN119: will he care if im there before that
cornonthecaubrey: no you can come over

cornonthecaubrey: actually...hes on the shitter right now, you might want to leave your house in like 10 mins, that way the air can clear before you get here
fLaNMaN119: hahahahahhaahaha
cornonthecaubrey: laugh it up, I have to live with it
fLaNMaN119: read my away message

Auto response from fLaNMaN119: cornonthecaubrey: actually...im on the shitter right now, you might want to leave your house in like 10 mins, that way the air can clear before you get here

Haha what a jerk! I set myself up. Then Christian says:

CmgVagChest1039: that is disgusting
cornonthecaubrey: hahah I was actually talking about my dad, but matt changed it
CmgVagChest1039: mmmhmmm....sicko

Anyway, I have to go because Matts on his way. but I promise to anyone that happens to read Matts away message, I am really not that disgusting. Plus, who can sit on the shitter and balance a whole computer on their lap? Hahaha....

Oh well.....I <3 you boys.

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 14:23:06 GMT

I pretty much got slapped in the face this morning.

Maybe I was too quick to judge, and should have taken a step back. And maybe not.

Maybe now you can understand why its hard for me to talk to you after feeling like I was lied to for a really long time. It's just too hard.

I guess I thought that I could love you enough for both of us....

Cheers to the understood....

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 20:16:43 GMT

Okay, time for a real update. I think Christian might just hunt me down and kill me if I don't. So, my dear brazilian friend, this one is just for you.

Okay...I don't even know where to start here....maybe I will just write about last night since that's the most recent.

Well, it turns out that Julie has been holding out on us all this time. We're always looking for something fun to do, and we found out that she knows this kid from the camp she goes to named Greg who is in a band. We found out they were playing a show in Derry and decided it would be wicked cool to check it out. So, Rachael, Alyssa, Shawna, Julie and I all drove out there (and got lost on the way...) and got to hear some pretty sweet bands play. The first band was called Arwen and they were really good. Greg's band, The Northwood (who just for the record are really awesome) were up after that. I havent stopped listening to their CD all morning. They kind of remind me of like Starting Line/Story of the Year and that kind of music, I guess if you wanted to put it into a genre. Anyway, they were awesome. The third band, Faraway I didnt really get to hear that well because during the time The Northwood was bringing their stuff out, I decided to check and see if anyone had called.

Turns out I had a voicemail from Paul which I decided I would listen to a little bit later on. I knew he was with Colby, Dorman, Schaller and McCabe, so I figured it was just going to be a funny drunken message from the boys. I knew they were drinking and then heading over to the basketball game, in fact, I was supposed to be going with them but changed my mind kind of last minute because I hadnt hung out with the girls in awhile...Anyway, I put my phone back in my coat pocket for literally 2 minutes before deciding I would rather keep it in my back pocket in case someone called. So I look at it, and I had a missed call from one of the coaches...So I called back and he was asking for Dorman's number. I just kept asking why because I didn't want him to have to answer to coach if he was drinking. Finally, Coach was just like, "listen, 3 kids got kicked off the team tonight for drinking and I really need the number." At this point, I'm like, Oh shit...hoping that Paul is not one of them...But he said it was Schaller, Dorman and McCabe and they got arrested at the game.

"They got arrested??!!" I was practically yelling because I was like, in shock. And thankful that I wasn't there with them when it all happened. It turns out, Greg got sick on the court. He started feeling sick so he was walking to the bathroom and got sick. A cop followed him in there and then all the shit happened.

I immediately called Paul to find out what the hell was going on. Luckily, nothing happened to him and he was with some of the other guys on the team at Wendy's.

I guess we'll see what happens now. Someone metioned something about the rest of the season being cancelled. Which probably doesn't matter anyway. We have 2 more games and with half the team hurt anyway, it'd take a miracle to win even one of those, much less make play-offs...I think this goes down as the worst hockey season Merrimack has ever seen. We've had car accidents, concussions, broken bones and now this. I'm not gonna lie though, I have had so much fun getting to know all the hockey boys that none of the bad stuff even matters.

As much as I feel bad about what happened last night, I am still so glad I wasn't there. Granted, I would have been with Paul, so I would have shown up at the same time he did which was right as the three of them were getting taken out of the game. But still, its crazy when you think of everything that could have gone wrong but didnt. For example, I know that if I had gone with them instead of the girls last night, and say for some reason we were at the game at the same time as Greg and the the other two, I know for a fact I would have followed Greg to the bathroom to see if he was going to be okay. That would be me getting caught right there seeing as the cop had also followed him.

As much as I hate when people say that everything happens for a reason, sometimes I wonder...or maybe it was just a lucky coincidence, who knows?

Anyway, that is pretty much the excitement of last night...Paul and I just got back from lunch and it was all we talked about the whole time. It was really funny when he got here though, cause my dad and I talked about it last night and then Greg called this morning and aftre I got off the phone with him my dad came in to talk. He was just laughing about it...he's like "I'm telling you, just dont get caught! It's nothing we didn't do you know..." and then he strolled down memory lane for a bit, telling how his high school girlfriend Greta almost threw up at a senior dance and then one of his other friends was throwing up in the corner...they didn't have any more senior dances after that. The difference is though that it was legal for them when they were 18...oh well.

Anyway, I think I am done writing for now, I want to head over to Rachael's for a bit and maybe hit up the mall because I haven't been in awhile. Even though I only have 170 bucks in my account right now. Oh well...damn the fool whogave me a debit card that I can use anywhere....

<3<3

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 03:18:06 GMT

Alright Gomey, this one is just for you.

It's late, I'm tired and I don't feel like updating but as Christian said:

"even if all you wrote was 'I had a wicked bad case of diarhea' I would be thrilled"

Hahaha, that made me laugh. And no, I really didnt have that. How unfortunate if I really did.

There is so much other stuff going on right now, I dont know when I will have time to write about it. Or if I will even bother but Christian might develop that case of diarhea himslef if I don't.

I will make time.

Anyway, in conclusion to this pointless entry: everyone should go see Hitch because I thought it was awesome. And obviously in this journal my opinion is the only one that matters.

Sleep tight kids.

Oh yeah, and for all you saps out there who like Valentine's day: chances are you wasted your money on something today. Congrats. Happy stupidest day of the year.

Stressed but fairly content....

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 02:09:06 GMT

Has January gone by already? Holy cow. I guess time does fly when you're having fun.

Well, finals were interesting. Kind of a stressful week, but I loved getting out early everyday. Good thing I am dropping my sucky "internship" eighth period this semester and getting early release. Come spring time, when I have full blown senioritis, I toally will not appreciate hanging around school doing nothing for an extra 45 minutes.

In other news, I got a 42 on my Calc final, but that was the only on I bothered to check. I dont think I care about the rest. I am dropping 6th Physics to pick up Environmental Bio. Hilary and Thomas are in there, I am getting in and Rachael and Paul are too. It's going to be wicked fun, I can't wait.

Speaking of wicked fun: my advanced photo class? Haha, awesome. Me, Tom, Shelby, Jon, and Jacob...among t=others...a couple funny kids so it should be a good time.

Also speaking of fun: looking forward to this weekend, can't wait to play dress up with the girls with special beverages.

Still speaking of fun: Paul. You are just awesome. I can't believe we were never friends before now and I am so glad we are close and for everything that we have. No one else can turn me all chucklehouse like you do, I can't stop laughing around you. Everyone should know someone like you.

Anyway. That's all that is worth mentioning right now.

Later Gators.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 03:48:44 GMT

Wow, what a fun weekend...

Last night was wicked fun...I seriously love my girlfriends. We went to Rae's and pregamed a little bit. Then went to the game where my voice - which had just started to get back to normal, mind you - was lost again by screaming my lungs out at the baskteball game. Ahh well, it was worth it.

Then I spent the day at Paul's, and we were going to head to the hockey game, but it turns out Coach had called to say that it was postponed. Apparently Spaulding didn't want to come all the way down here. Oh well. Lebanon on Wednesday and that means...ba buh da baaa!! Coach busses!!! Can't wait, its going to be wicked fun.

Went over Rachael's again tonight. Oh my god. I have the best girlfriends in the world. Seriously. we were laughing so hard tonight, getting up on Rachael's coffee table and just dancing around the living room...and most of the boys just staring at us like we are crazy. Oh wait, we are. Hahaha Shawna - your guitar is the best I have ever seen!!

I wish more of the boys had come though. I don't understand..it's like, all of a sudden it feels like none of our guy friendswant to hang out with us anymore...They go and hang out with a bunch of underclassmean...which is not a big deal at all, I could care less, but just don't give us shit when we hang out with the BG boys because thats wicked hypocritical. Ah well. What can you do? It's okay. With girls like mine, who needs boys anyway? We have such a good time by ourselves.

Anyway, I don't feel like writing about anything else...

Later kiddos....be safe in all the ridiculous effing snow!!!

<3<3

Its been a long time....

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 00:48:28 GMT

So Christian demanded another update from me....here it goes, I think this might be long...I have some things I am trying to sort out right now..

First off though, I must offer my congratulations to myself for getting into Rhode Island College. I think I will feel more excited once my girl friends know, because I know how excited they will be for me. I feel like I have had a really long night, and maybe thats why I am not more excited about it.

Anyway, heres

Well there's no point in really writing in depth about the accident and everything that went on over vacation. Everyone already knows. I never thought that I would miss Laura as much as I do, though. We were definitely getting to be better friends, we always hang out with the same people. And having her as my photo partner, we saw each other every day and talked all the time, shared little secrets and that kind of thing. Just the other day, I really started to feel it in Photography. I felt really lonely, like she should still be there and I got really sad. I hate thinking that there are going to be so many more moments in the near future where myself and others are just going to feel this void, like she should be there with us. Our senior semi and graduation to name a few...I just miss her more that I thought I ever would.

Too sad to keep writing about that.

But on the same kind of level: I've been feeling weird lately. I don't really know how to describe it because I can't put my finger on it. But I feel like I don't know how to be with some people right now. I mean, just BE with them...it's not going to make sense but here goes anyway. Today, I was hanging out with an old friend/ex boyfriend, but we have been really close friends for the past 4 years. Anyway, its hard to explain to people on the outside, but we just have this kind of understanding between us, like if we kiss, it just happens and sometimes doesnt really mean anything...sometimes maybe it does...but the past two times I have seen him, things are just changed. I feel like I don't want to be kissed, I dont really want to be held or touched and I dont know why. But like I said, I have trouble just being, like just lying there, being together.

I almost feel like that has something to do with Laura, too. It sounds weird so I will explain the best I can: I have two different groups of guy friends and I have always been much closer to the Matty/Andy/Brett/Dan and that group of boys rather than like John, Jeff, Dave,Steve,Vince, Shawn and that group of boys. Especially since vacation and everything with Laura, I feel like, since Laura was closer with Matt/Andy/Tim etc and they knew her better than the other boys did...I feel more comfortable around them. I always have anyway, but especially now. There is just this unspoken understanding when we're all together. Most of the time, we don't need to talk about the accident or anything else that happened and I feel comfortable just BEING around them because I know that we are all feeling the same way. There's just the knowing that we are all going through the same things right now. So it makes just being with other people really hard. People that, through no fault of their own, don't really have any idea how I am feeling right now. And for someone who's never been through anything like this, it is next to impossible to explain how you feel when something like this happens.

This probably doesn't make any sense at all...It doesn't make sense to me either, its just how I feel.

Well I am cutting this short now. My headache is raging back full force...I don't ever get headaches but this week, I have had a couple really bad ones...Plus I am at my mom's right now and I want to head home soon to go to bed early...

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. I need the 4 day weekend like never before...

Happy 18th Birthday to Paul in T minus 4 hours and 10 minutes.

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 04:10:12 GMT

cornonthecaubrey: I dont feel any older....well except that now I can make my porn videos legally
cornonthecaubrey: other than that, 18 isnt all its cracked up to be
dubsnevets: oh good, well at least you and the law can now coexist with one another happily
dubsnevets: except for the crack you sell on the sidelines
dubsnevets: but the law will never know about that
cornonthecaubrey: shhh
cornonthecaubrey: as long as you, me and the donkeys keep it on the DL
dubsnevets: yeah, I think the donkeys are who we are going to have to worry about
dubsnevets: those jackasses!

hahaha wicked lame. anyway. Happy one-eight to myself.

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 03:50:54 GMT

It's pretty late. I am pretty tired. And I never do this, but I might just make a list of good and bad things to happen in the past couple days.

+ the delay on Monday

- the fact that we didnt have a delay yet at 5:30 when I checked so I got in the shower for no reason.

+ practice got cancelled so I went sledding with Paul and had fun and laughed a lot

- This morning I went to plug in my straightener, realized it was already plugged in and left on and had been since I used it yesterday

+ the house did not burn down

+ Comedy show today was hilarious.

+ I am getting a B in Calculus (I had a C- at report cards)

- I am failing Physics (but incidently dont have to care anymore...we will get to that momentarily)

- Speaking of Physics, Ms Kenick is a bitch. Today, our class went to the comedy show which was shocking because she let us do soemthing fun...but anyway, I passed her on the stairs on the way up to class and said, "Oh, are we just going straight down there?" and she said "What were the instructions that I gave you?" and I said "I don't know...." cause I dont listen to her ever andso then she walked away. But seriously, would it not have just been easier to say yes or no? Congratulations Lois Kenick, youre going to die about 10 seconds earlier than you otherwise would have because you wasted your breath being a bitch to me.

- my dad totally volunteered me to babysit some woman's kids for tomorrow night so he could take her out to dinner but didnt bother asking if I was even available and I have a hockey game to be at.

+ I got out of the babysitting, and moved it to Thursday night instead

+ went to the basketball game in my new fan T shirt and it was wicked fun and we won (of course)

+ came back here and did Secret Santas with the girls and it was great because its been a long time since all 8 of us were together at one time.

++ Got into Southern Connecticut State University! (which is only my second choice but still now my dad will be off my ass and if for some reason Rhode Island College doesnt want me, then SCSU it is, baby...fuck physics for life.)

- I have Calc homework and studying for Physics that I am NOT doing right now. Oh well, who cares.

hmm....that may be all for right now...I know its quick and kind of lame...

but on the bright side, theres about 10 positive and only about 6 negative in the list! (even though the story about babysitting and my dad is waay longer and pissed me off way more than I made it sound like. And the Kenick thing...but the good stuff totally outweighs the bad.)

Oh wait:

+++ Christmas is on it's way and I am almost done shopping....

+ Bedtime. Best time of the day.

Sweet dreams kiddos.

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 22:40:53 GMT

Now, dont get me wrong. I don't hate Christmas. On the contrary, actually. I love being with friends and family and stuff like that. Presents are never bad either. But lately, something is wrong. It feels less and less like Christmas every year to me and I don't know why that is.

And I know this is crazy, because I have so many close friends and people to talk to in my life, but lately I have been feeling kind of alone. There is something that I really wanted to happen that I thought might happen for a little while and now its not happening and I think that adds to it. If that even makes any sense at all to anyone besides me.

Also, I love coming home after school to an empty house. And I am not being sarcastic here, I really do. After school is Aubrey-chill time and dad stresses me out, so its good to come home and be alone. But lately, it's not just after school anymore. Every night is like tonight. I come home from the hockey rink to a pitch black, empty house. And its cold outside, and it makes it feel colder inside the house, especially when no one is here. Which is all the time. He works late, or goes out after work, or has stuff to do at church. And when I go over to moms house for dinner, I come home and he's already wasted so rational conversation is out of the question. I have to tell him things again the next morning, because he doesnt remember anything from the night before.

Again, don't get me wrong, I love my life, I truly do. But sometimes, I just wish I could come home to a warm, well-lit house, where my dad isnt drunk...and maybe just maybe he is actually cooking a meal. I have a house, not a home. Thats depressing.

I hate depressing entries, and I know I should just delete this because it will depress anyone who reads it. Or make them feel bad for me, which is not what I want either. I just sometimes need to get things off my chest.

Time to head over to moms for an actual meal. I need to update about this weekend, because Saturday night was practically the funniest night/early morning of my life...but I am not in the mood right now so it will have to wait.

18 in 20 days!

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 22:33:51 GMT

Second update in 24 hours....that never happens anymore.

Anyway. I remembered what I wanted to write last night: exactly one month from today, I will be turning 18. Yes, the big one-eight.

How excellent...and exciting....

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 04:05:09 GMT

So I am really effing tired right now. And should go to bed because I haven't been able to get out of it all week.

But hey. Its cool.

Anyway, today depressed me because it rained all day. But when I got home from school, and I sat down to watch Harry Potter 3 for the 4th time in 5 days, I looked out the window and it was clearing up! And then I saw the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen. Ever. You know how sometimes, you will see just a tiny piece of one? No, this one arched over my entire house. I could see where it was beginning and ending. It was...breathtaking....for lack of a better word. I sat down to turn the movie back on but realized I couldn't just sit there. I stood at my big front window and watched it until it disappeared because I thought to myself, how often do you see a rainbow this pefect anyway? And I really didnt want to let the moment go to waste. So I didnt. It was awesome.

I am really tired lately, I don't know why. I am getting as much sleep as usual...I feel weird. Like for a week or so, I am hungry all the time, but can't find anything in the house or even think of anything I would want to go out and buy to eat. But this morning in Calculus I had a craving for orange Jello. Weird. I could actually still go for some...

This gum that I am chewing is watermelon and it started out pink in the middle, green on the outside and then when I chewed it, turned purple and now that its lost all flavor, its back to green. I wonder how they do that....what will they think of next?

Anyway, There was something else I wanted to write about that was actually somewhat relevant to life, but it seems to have slipped my mind. Oh well. I guess it wasn't that important.

That means its bedtime.

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 01:56:44 GMT

By tomorrow morning, I will be done with college stuff.

Congratulations.
Already I feel like a big weight is being lifted. And I like it.

Especially since with the weekends events, there has been extra weight added and who even knows what that's all about. Not me.

I really should not even bother writing in here anymore. It's incoherent rambling almost every single time and the only things that happen worth writing about I wouldn't put in here anyway.
I should give it up.

Maybe I will.